If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize