so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
