after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize