i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found your dick twin last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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