You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize