fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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