She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
