Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize