goodnight i made you a song goodbye
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
