ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
