this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
