I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
