I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
