i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
