she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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