I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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