you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
