NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
