Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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