I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
