We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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