All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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