i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
splinters make it hard to masturbate
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
