But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
