A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
