put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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