its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They have beer where we have blood.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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