Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
