But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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