The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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