somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
