You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
