I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
