This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
