My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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