I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
