shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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