so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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