isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
