No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
