dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
please come you make the beer taste better
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
