i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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