Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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