So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
