I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
