When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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