Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
