I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
