Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Non-Jews are for practice
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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