By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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