the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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