I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
