You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
