when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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