I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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