all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
being pregnant is like rehab
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
