oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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