You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
