Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
