Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
