Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
