I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
