I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
