he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
