You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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