Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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