I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
tell me about the fingering
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